MS & Depression

Shhhhh, one shouldn’t talk about such things, society still murmurs. Depression is something to be kept quiet, not to be discussed. To which I quote my father, “Bullpucky”. In other words we SHOULD be talking about dealing with our depression.

Ms and depression tend to go hand and hand, and with me they hold hands like high school sweethearts. I had never dealt with depression until this year. The only surprise is that it took so long.

While my bout with depression seemed to come on suddenly, in retrospect there were tell tale signs well before the “black cloud” descended and tried to take over my life. It started with small things; not wanting to get out of bed, not sleeping at night, then sleeping all day. Not putting my makeup on when I got dressed (eeek), crying easily and most notably, not crafting or picking up my camera. (All this was BEFORE the black cloud descended).

When I realized and acknowledged I was suffering (suffering seems to be such a casual word when used with depression) from depression, I felt like a complete failure. I’ve always been strong and able to tackle whatever was thrown at me, including an MS diagnosis. Suddenly, I couldn’t handle anything. EVERYTHING was just too much. Even with the deep faith and trust I have in God, it was all just too much.

With the black cloud came very black thoughts. I wanted to give up and give in. MS and life was just too hard. Thankfully, I’m a fighter and the fighter in me refused to give up or give in. I sought help, professional help, because as much as your family and friends love and support you, there are some things they just can’t fix. (MS and depression among them). For me, simply talking with someone wasn’t enough so I ended up on yet more pills. Perfect.

Yet, over time I started noticing a few things. I was wearing makeup again, crafting and I picked my camera up for the first time in months. I wasn’t sleeping all day and I no longer wanted to give up. Suddenly MS and depression were no longer the high school sweethearts they had been, hand in hand invading my life. They had broken up and depression had moved on.

However, I also realize that what forced depression to move on was a mixture of medication, someone professional to talk to, the unwavering support of my husband, family and friends and the fact that my faith gave me the strength not to give up when things were really dark.

Some days can still be a challenge. I may always have depression lurking around the corner. However, I’ve also learned that it’s O.K. to talk about it. In fact, it’s GOOD to talk about it.